Today was a tough day. Today we said goodbye to my Grandma Starnes. I was very lucky to have known all of my Great Grandparents and I remember when they passed. But this is different. My Great Grandparents were always "old" to me growing up so my memories of them are of just that. I remember great times at their houses and hearing stories from them (which I now wish I had paid a LOT more attention to). Losing Grandma Starnes is the closest loss I've ever had. I was the first grandchild for her and my Grandpa so my relationship with them is probably a lot different than my brothers and/or cousins. Also, my brother Jeff and I (and Mom) lived with them for a period of time when I was really little so there are memories and times together that none of my cousins had.
But let me go back.....earlier this week, my Grandma had to go to the hospital. She was admitted and stayed for pneumonia. They were treating her and she was supposed to be released to go home on Thursday. Thursday morning at 5:30am, my phone rang. I immediately knew. Mom called and told me that Grandma had passed away in her sleep about 4am. It's amazing how God works....you can go from the doctors telling you that you're going home to God saying "Nope child, you're coming HOME". Grandma had battled Alzheimers for years. She was no longer the vibrant Grandma who loved to play Bingo and go shopping. She talked less and required full time care. You see...we lost my Grandma's mind years ago. We lost her body on Thursday. I saw her at Christmas and she looked SO good. She looked happy and just looked good. I ALWAYS make it a point to get pictures of us when we visit relatives because you just never know. I had no idea whatsoever that when I saw her for Christmas, that would be the last time. So Thursday, I was sad. Tears and emotion would creep up on me and surprise me. I found myself shutting my door at work for periods of time so I could get through those moments. We didn't tell the boys that morning. They were headed off to school and had things going on so we waited. To be honest, I can't remember if we told them Thursday or Friday but we told them that their Great Grandma had gone to Heaven. Tim & I also talked about the funeral. I knew that I wanted them there. It would be their first funeral.
Friday night, I had to go shopping. I HATE shopping, Grandma LOVED shopping. I needed new pants for the visitation and funeral. I went to Belk after work - her favorite store - and I'm telling you, she was my angel shopping with me that night. I never find anything and usually leave the fitting room upset and/or in tears. But Friday, I didn't. I found lots of clothes, not just for the funeral but in general and ended up spending over $200 on myself. That never happens. The thought of her as my shopping angel made me smile.
Saturday morning, we packed up the boys and headed to my Grandpa's house. We were meeting there to go to the Funeral Home for the visitation and Service, then there would be a Graveside service as well. I did not want to be disrespectful so I didn't take too many pictures but I did want to capture our goodbyes. I've searched and searched and there are a few others I KNOW I took because of what they represented but I cannot find them. Maybe that's a good thing....maybe those memories are supposed to stay in my heart and the visual not be shared. Our family had time before the visitation started to see Grandma and her casket. She looked so beautiful. Her casket was a pale pink - pink was her favorite color - and she wore a blue suit with a scarf and angel pin. There were so many beautiful flowers. I know she would have loved all the pink.
During the visitation, we had many friends and family stop by. I've never been part of the "family" that is receiving condolences. It was good to see everyone and listen to their thoughts / memories and whatever was on their heart. One funny thing that happened was how many of our extended family talked to me about getting our Christmas cards every year and how much they enjoy them. It was so nice to hear that even though I moved away they still love hearing our family news. The funeral was the first time many of them had seen the boys.
After visitation, it was time for us to say our goodbyes and for them to close the casket prior to the service. I had printed photos from Christmas of me with Grandma and the boys with her to put in her casket. I wrote a note on the back of mine and had the boys write their names on the back of theirs. I placed them in her casket as I said goodbye. It was tough. Then I was privileged to witness my Grandpa saying his goodbye. My whole life, theirs has been the best love story ever. After everyone left, he gave her a kiss, told her that he loves her and will see her later. It was such a special moment. They were married well over 60 years and he loved her so much.
Before visitation Grandpa got to see her. Here he is with Grandma's sister, my Great Aunt Katherine.
Picture from Christmas, just a month ago, that I put in her casket.
The boys with their Great Grandma at Christmas.
After visitation, Grandpa's final goodbyes.
Flowers from me and my brothers and our families.
So many pretty arrangements.
There was a table of pictures and these were a few I saw of me.
The service itself was really nice. I think Grandma would have liked it. Tim and my brothers Jeff and Billy served as pall bearers so during the service, it was up to me and my sister-in-law Niki to keep five boys quiet. Miraculously, we did. All of the little kids were so well behaved and they just seemed to know it was the time for that. Eli and Cole, being bigger, knew more of what was going on. My Dad was part of the service and it was neat to hear about my Grandparents meeting. I knew they met at work but I found out that Grandpa saw her the day she came in for an interview. Luckily, Grandma got the job and Grandpa got the girl. =)
After the service, it was time to go to the cemetery. First time I've ever been part of a funeral procession. I told Tim that I was ok to drive but I kinda regretted that decision. I was so touched by the respect of everyone we went by that it got me choked up. The funeral home had arranged for a policeman to block off one intersection as we came through. The police officer had his hat off and on his heart as a sign of respect. Cue tears right there. Then every single car stopped and/or pulled off the road as we made our way. It was an emotional thing to be part of.
At the cemetery, a few more words were spoken and then we had flowers to put on her casket. When we first got there, my brother Jeff commented to me that it felt real then. And it did. Her casket was in place and on the contraption that they use to lower it into the ground. It was tough for me when I put my carnation on the casket to say my final goodbye. One thing that I noticed (and my Grandpa asked me later if I noticed) is that he was in his wheelchair with a blanket over him because it was chilly. He intentionally chose the blanket that I made for him a few Christmases ago (and in the picture above) to use for that. That was very special to me. I even told Tim about it when I noticed. Love my Grandpa so much.
After everything was over, we went back to Grandpa's house for food and fellowship. We ate and then I started looking at pictures in the drawers in Grandma's dining room. It was fun to find the old photos, relive memories and hear stories. It was such a neat way to remember her. My Aunt Brenda also brought out a box of Grandma's old scarves and we were able to select one or two to keep. I picked out a few and one in particular that I'm hoping to get framed and use in our dining room one day. Grandma was a collector of lots of things....she loved Beanie Babies, Barbies and Tom Clark Gnomes. Eli was supposed to have his Scout Pine Wood Derby today but he knew this was more important and missed it. Grandpa let him have their Scout pine wood derby gnome. So special. Mom also had each of us grandkids a Beanie Baby angel to remember Grandma. It was an emotional day but it was a beautiful celebration of her life and brought us all together.
I worry about my Grandpa. It's going to be tough going forward. He's a strong man but it still concerns me. He will miss her I am sure and will have to adapt to a new normal. My prayer is that he can do that.
Rest in Peace Grandma. I know you are in a better place and will always watch over me. I love you and miss you already.
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