On tube eve

Wow, tomorrow morning Cole gets tubes in his ears - I wasn't sure we'd make it to this day. Tonight when I put him down for bed, I sat there snuggling and kissing on his head (who knew you could really kiss your kids 50+ times putting them to bed?!) and I remembered how I felt the night before Eli got his helmet. Making decisions for your kids is hard. Making decisions for your kids who can't talk and have no idea why they're hurting and their only outlet is to cry is hard. I'm a little nervous / anxious about Cole being put to sleep. I know it's a very simple procedure, is done a million times a week but it still makes me nervous. I have heard from many friends that tubes have worked wonders for their children so I am cautiously optimistic for a miracle. You see, I try so hard to focus on the good things and write happy stuff on the blog but the past few months have been really hard here. Constantly fighting sickness - anyone with a little one this time of year understands that - with not one but two kids has been tough. The ear infections and fluid have plagued Cole since before Thanksgiving. I think the pressure affects his ability to drink a bottle so he doesn't drink that much. Thank goodness we started solid foods! I also think (actually know from the doctor) that it has impacted his ability to rest at night. When the lights are off, it's quiet and there are no other distractions, Cole realizes that his ears hurt. That realization is usually followed by a lot of screaming and crying. Sometimes we can console him, other times we cannot. Last night I held him all night because he was in so much pain. It's very heart breaking and exhausting.

I have been nervous with all the ice that his surgery might be cancelled. You see, I've been like a little kid waiting for Christmas. With all the bad nights, I had a date to look forward to. A date when I expected it to be fixed. I called today and we're still on for tomorrow. Have to be at the surgery center at 6:15am and his surgery is at 7:30am. The hard part is going to be him not eating or drinking anything after midnight. I'm going to keep myself up to wake him at 11pm and feed him whatever he will drink. Hopefully that will help him rest and keep him content until after surgery. Keep your fingers crossed for us that it goes well and that Cole feels better when it's over. Update tomorrow......