Warning: This post is going to be long and includes a lot of pictures. I'm writing this post for me, I'm not concerned if anyone reads the entire thing. I need it as an outlet, a way to cope and a way to remember my sweet Belle.
Today has been a very hard day. It has actually been a very hard week. You see, last Friday - May 14th - I made the phone call to the vet. I have known for quite a while that it was almost time to say goodbye to Belle, I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready now but seeing how much Belle struggled and seeing her quality of life, I couldn't bear to do that to her any longer. I read many many things about how to know when it was "time" and one thing I read talked about how it's the most unselfish act of love you can do for your pet. Tim & I had been discussing this event for a long time. I kept asking how you know when it's time and even woke up crying shortly after Christmas feeling like Belle had already left me. She had not but I knew in my heart then that I would be making a tough decision soon. Truth be told, I kept praying that God would do it for me so I wouldn't have to decide....but now I'm glad he waited for me. As soon as I got off the phone that Friday, I cried hysterically. I had one more week with my baby girl. And I'm so thankful for that week. Tim & I had talked about how we didn't want to "plan" it but knowing in advance gave me more patience with her for any in-house accidents and allowed me to enjoy lots and lots of snuggles. One night I was snuggled with her and caught her smell - I had totally forgotten her sweet puppy smell. The week was also filled with teary goodbyes from our friends and neighbors. Belle was so loved, not just by me but by our friends and family.
Thursday night, we went on one last family walk as a family of 5. It took us quite a long time to get around the block but I wanted that last walk, needed that last walk for me. I cried when I went to bed Thursday night (along with every other night), not really believing that after 14 years I was saying goodbye to my faithful companion. Friday morning, I told Eli that Belle wouldn't be home when he got home. I explained to him that she was an old dog and that we couldn't take care of her anymore so she had to go away. He allowed me to take some pictures of him with Belle and he gave her two good hugs before we took him to school. Tim & I both took the boys and then I had about 2 more hours with Belle. I hung out with her and loved on her as much as I could. And then it was time to leave for the vet. It was so hard to put her harness on and walk out that door.
I rode in the back of my truck with her to the vet. I held her, hugged her and she gave me lots of kisses. I talked to her, telling her how wonderful she had been and how she had done a great job keeping me company and helping me get to where I am today. I also told her that it was ok. That we would be ok. When we got to the vet, Tim went inside to let them know we were there. We were immediately taken to a room. The sweet technician gave me a box of tissues and a jar of treats telling me that Belle could have as many as she wanted. The vet then came in to talk to us about our decision and what would happen. I made the choice that I wanted to stay with her and Tim stayed with us as well. I could not imagine not being there and being the last face Belle saw. They brought in a blanket and we were all on the floor with Belle. At first, they put a sedative in her front paw, in a vein. It didn't take long at all before she laid her head down and started to relax. I guess I didn't realize how truly tired she was. I kept my face next to hers, stroked her head and just listened to her breathe. I kept looking at how beautiful she looked. When she laid down, she put her head on the floor in between her front paws - just as I've seen her do a million times before. After a few minutes, the vet came back in the room for the remainder of the procedure. That portion was an injection in her rear right leg. She explained to us that it was a thick solution and everything would probably be over before she finished the injection. Sure enough, Miss Belle was asleep before she finished. I watched Belle the entire time and rubbed her head. I remember the exact moment she fell asleep. It was the most peaceful thing. Belle was very peaceful and just so so beautiful. I saw all the years of love and memories in that sweet face. Tim & I spent a few more minutes in the room with her and then said our final goodbyes. So many people had told me not to stay for the procedure but I'm so glad that I did. Not only because Belle knew I loved her to the very very end but also because I was able to see her resting and peaceful. It hurt my heart to make this decision but I do not regret the decision. It was time - I actually think Belle was ready a long time before I was. She knew I was in good hands and she had waited until our family was complete. My only regret is that Miss Belle got old.
It took Eli about an hour after he got home to ask "Where's my friend Belle?". I was cooking dinner and just stopped. With tears in my eyes, I reminded him that he said goodbye to Miss Belle that morning and that she had gone away. He kept asking where, he would not give up until I gave him an answer. When I told him that Belle was in doggie heaven, he immediately quit asking. He just needed to know that she was somewhere.
There are many places in our house now that seem empty to me: the place in our bedroom where Belle slept, the place in our living room where her bed sat, in the kitchen where her food bowl sat for the entire 6+ years that we've lived here. It is very hard for me to look at the emptiness of those places.
And there's a place in my heart that is just as empty. I'm just very happy that I'm a HUGE picture person. I have tons of pictures of Belle to remind me of all the memories we made and adventures we shared. I'm uploading a bunch here to tell some of those stories.
Graduation night: May 11, 1996. Belle was a graduation present from a friend who's last name was Bell - that's where she got her name. I could not believe that I had a puppy!
Sweet baby face
Belle & I went to a dog friendly beach. I think it was in Wilmington.
This was in 2000 when Belle & I hiked at Tsali. She loved hiking and being outside with me.
Belle & I were support crew for our friend Espo for an adventure race.
Belle was the honorary 5th member of our all girls mountain bike team - 'Left my Chubby Hubby' - for 24 Hours of Snowshoe
Belle & Mike - Without Belle, I probably would not have met one of my best friends (and virtual brother) in the entire world. I met Mike in Feb 1998 - Belle wasn't even 2 years old. I was walking Belle in our apartment complex and Mike, having a dalmatian at his parents' house, started talking to us. We have been friends ever since.
Belle in the snow in her boots. These boots were a funny thing. The first time I put them on her, she did the funniest dance / walk you've ever seen.
Never too many puppy kisses!
Belle & Bob - this was Belle's boyfriend. Bob belongs to my friends Cary & Mark.
This was on one of our adventure trips. Cary & I were doing a mountain bike race - Swank 65 I think - and Belle went with us. Tim was there doing support, Belle kept him company.
Belle & Tim - Belle wasn't very happy when Tim came along and she started losing her place in bed. As long as she was able to jump on the bed, she either slept between Tim & I or just in between my legs. Over time, Tim & Belle learned to love and accept each other.
Our snowy Mt Mitchell hike
One of our mountain trips - Belle loved going with us
We thought that this sign was most appropriate for our Interstate Hound.
Happy on the road
Mountain biking at Uwharrie - Belle loved to run ahead / behind our mountain bikes. She did really well staying on the trail. I had no idea on this particular day that the rocks would blister her pads. Thus, I carried her for miles to get out of the woods. It was a rough afternoon!
One of our first visits to the farm and my parents' new log cabin.
Another of Belle's favorite places - Umstead. I took her hiking and trail running there a lot.
Tim & Belle - being silly
Top of the (old) Mt Mitchell tower just after Tim proposed - one of the happiest days of my life.
Parking lot at top of Mt Mitchell
Christmas past
Belle even made an appearance at our wedding. Couldn't have imagined it without her.
I have a million pictures of Belle in the grass. She always looked so happy.
On the road again......
This time the Outer Banks.
Outer Banks
Outer Banks - loving it.
Wright Memorial
Campground at Outer Banks. This was a funny story. We pitched our tent but the wind was so strong, it blew the tent so that it was flat on the ground. Tim got so mad at it all that we ended up packing the truck up and heading home without ever camping.
In Eli's room before he arrived. Belle spent plenty of hours in there sleeping, waiting for him.
Hiking in 2007 for our 2nd wedding anniversary.
SO happy at the farm.
Meeting Eli for the 1st time.
She quickly accepted him and became his protector.
Halloween 2007 - Eli & Belle, my little "pups"
Pals just hanging, a little to the left
Belle didn't mind when Eli invaded her space.
Cute
Taking a break on Grandma's couch on the farm
One of my most favorite pictures EVER - Eli & Belle
When Eli started learning to give hugs, he would lean on Belle to give her one.
Belle is the reason I got a 4Runner - had to be able to stick her head out the back window.
Big family walk in the winter - this was about the time I had those strong feelings about Belle leaving us.
on our 14th anniversary
last night before our family walk
Friday morning, Eli hanging with Belle for a last picture
Eli, Cole & Belle
giving Belle her goodbye hug - I hope that Eli will have some memories of Belle.
the last picture taken of me & Belle. This was in the back of my truck before we left for the vet. The picture breaks my heart but I appreciate how Tim caught my real emotions on camera. I will never forget those feelings.
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